i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
