My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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