corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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