explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
