I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
