So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
