So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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