Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
