So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
