i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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