honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
