I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
pray to the hookup gods
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
