im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
