his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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