margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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