Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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