I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
