whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize