dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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