there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
