If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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