I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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