fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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