then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
