I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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