She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
