True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
