I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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