thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
