FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
