There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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