A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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