The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
