I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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