so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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