I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
