Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
