i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sex in a hospital.. check
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
