all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
