There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You need Xanax blowdarts
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
