I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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