WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
