someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
