The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
