hotel room ftw
your thong is hanging out like whoa
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
