apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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