My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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