You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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