You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
