I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
