so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
