I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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