You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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