saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
