I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
