Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
