even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Randomize
