and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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