i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
