Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
