the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
as a side note pls kill me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
