first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize