Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
