I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
