My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I pour the whiskey from now on
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
