I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My ass is underappreciated
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
