Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sext me about skeletons
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face