Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead