An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
