I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
why is half of my head shaved?
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