He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
