you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
