Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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