the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
