im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
