Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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