Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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