I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
