HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
