Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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