So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
