Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
